Real World

Dear Forthcoming Frog-

A bid proposal from your competitor included a report entitled “Life Extension Estimate for UtilX^® CableCURE^® Rejuvenation Fluid,” written by W. R. Stagi of UTILX.  The document is claimed as “Confidential and Proprietary” and makes many claims.  I have reproduced my favorite claim below.

“Assuming that [cable insulation] will age from this point on at the same rate as its un-injected counterpart is obviously nearly ridiculously conservative.  By doing so however we are able to arrive at irrefutable proof of injection effectiveness as well as absolute certainty of the absolute minimum value for added life.”

Tell me if it is true, oh wise one!

Wondering in Western Washington 

Dear Wondering-

I highlighted a few of the phrases from the quotation above, because the language is so colorful.  Where else can you see three adverbs strung together like “obviously nearly ridiculously?”  Where else can you find “absolute certainly?”  And where else can you find “absolute” twice in a single sentence separated by only three words?

I had to see the rest of the document to which you refer.  My team made a public disclosure requests to the City of Tacoma.  I have all 17 pages and I can summarize my reaction by noting the category under which I am publishing this and future posts regarding your inquiry, namely “Crazy Competitor Claims.”  In Future posts, we will examine some of the specifics, but I’ll give you some other hints of the fun we will be having by asking two rhetorical questions.

1.    In any 17 page document where the phrase “real world” was used 26 times, do you think that the pronouncements are really real world?  There are a couple of even more colorful “actual real world” phrases – presumably the actual real world is even more real world than the regular real world.

2.    Why would the author of the document try so hard to keep secret, irrefutable proof?

I will answer these and many more questions in 2012.

Sunlight has a way of revealing the truth,

Thermonuclear B.F.